cheating

Cheating- is it the ultimate betrayal!!!!!!!

I think we can all agree that if someone came into our home today and went through all of our personal things, tried on our clothes, even took some of our most precious pictures that captured moments we never ever want to forget we would feel compromised. I personally wouldn’t feel safe in the environment anymore, because the person that came into my home has left their residue and every time I enter it I would be reminded of that. Well that’s what cheating is my loves.

I remember the first time I was cheated on, by someone I never thought in a million years would cheat on me. It’s interesting my self-esteem must have been shot at that point in my life because I remember dating this guy because I knew he was not “cute” enough to cheat on me. Boy was I wrong. Well I met this guy at a basketball game in college I thought was cute enough to “bag” and we began to talk. As time progressed we spent almost every day and moment together. He told me about his past relationships, as did I, but one relationship had really broken him, he decided to remain friends with this young lady, and during times when we would hang out she would call I would hand him the phone and smile. I was happy he restored his relationship with his friend.

The end of the semester had come and it was time to go home for the summer. I went off to boot camp for the Army Reserves that summer, he returned to his hometown and his home woman. We wrote each other and I thought life was perfect, until I returned to school. He wasn’t the same, he had been compromised, and he reeked of another woman’s doing. The thing we have as woman is natural intuition and I just knew something wasn’t right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So a few weeks passed and he decided to tell me the truth. I felt my world crumble, before then he was my safety net, my secure place, my home. He then became a constant reminder of what was taken from me.

cheating (1)

So not only did he tell me that he rekindled with her over the summer, he also told me she was now pregnant. So I felt like I had been sucker punched. That night was the hardest, the feelings that had evolved I had never felt before, it was the first time that I mourned a lost in my life. As I slept I must have had horrible nightmares because when I awoke that morning my roommate asked if I had been in a fight with my ex because I kept screaming for him to stop touching me. I woke up that morning with swollen eyes, I felt sick to my stomach, my girls were there to support me and create all sorts of revengeful ways to pay him back. Then something came back to my memory from the night before. He told me even though he was with her he didn’t want to leave me alone. He just couldn’t give me up.
I struggled with this for the next year or so of my life, we developed this on again off again relationship. Our love had been tampered with and I had never been hurt that way before. I wanted to make him pay for it over and over and over again, but I later realized that only caused further detriment to me. I thought by holding on she didn’t win him; I wanted her to feel the pain I felt, but that was never fair to her. See the problem was never her, it was us, I came into the relationship with too much confidence, he came into it as a rebound. Two hurt people came together and produced a catastrophe. So wounded and all, I finally let go, he couldn’t understand how I could and how he no longer had a hold on me.
See ladies I realized he was never my home from the start; the invasion took place to remove something out of my life that was so toxic it could have taken me under. The pain I felt was similar to the pains of a workout, it hurts at first but you become stronger, because without pain there is truly no gain. The release I felt was emancipation, I stopped holding to a piece of a man just to say I had someone and in that I found my entire self.

So is cheating really the ultimate betrayal or is it deliverance? Now in some cases it may be the deliverance that makes a relationship stronger, trust me I have seen it. But in other cases it’s the deliverance to freedom. Think back to your past and even current relationships and ask yourself is this really my home (man) or has the invasion(cheating) revealed otherwise….

Elle Harris