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I recently saw a post on Instagram that said it’s the year of the side chick; I thought that was a rather interesting proclamation. Not for the said side chick, but the woman that stays in the relationship knowing that she is not his only love interest. I will not spend much time on the other woman for two reasons, one because as I said before she does not owe you anything you entered the relationship with him not her. Secondly, because any woman who intentionally goes after a man in a relationship has a deeper issue that requires much needed attention, a class of self-worth, and an entirely different blog series.

So the focus today is on the battle of loneliness. I personally believe the only time we fight being alone is when there is some unresolved issue within that we prefer to suppress than to actually deal with. So we keep busy, whether that’s with men, reality TV, food, shopping, or whatever other drug of choice we choose. Because that’s what it is a drug, drugs whether prescribed or not are used to subside or suppress pain for a period of time. And as long as we are high, the pain is not present so as long as a man is there good or bad the deep rooted pain does not have to be addressed.

So what do we do, we let the side chick have a day, month, year, decade, we can go forever on this. Because we think it’s ok to share, as long as he relieves the pain when we need it relieved, and he buys us things, and sleeps in our bed at least 4 of the 7 days of the week because that then makes you wifey, you win in your mind since you have 24 hours more than her.

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This topic is actually the hardest of all blogs to write because it is the root of unhealthy relationships. If you let him go, how will loneliness feel? When you spend 16 or more hours a day with a person whether that’s face to face, text message, phone, etc; it is hard to adjust to that person’s absence. But you have to if you truly love you and know that you’re worth more than a part-time partner.

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I am ending this blog series on a simple note, because at the end of the day it is up to you to want to feel better. You have the option to choose to stay in a relationship and hope things will change, or let it go and build a relationship with yourself. I can attest to the fact that when you stop hiding from the pain, confront it, and build a relationship with yourself life will change and it will get better. You will enjoy spending time alone because you will enjoy learning and loving you.

Elle Harris