How many times have you told a friend or have had a friend tell you, I don’t know why you stay with him after all that… Hilarious isn’t it. This is our go to for every “televised” relationship we see and think we know about. I mean television is truly what it is, I watch my friend/sister/cousin/etc. relationship, with my eyes I hear things that transpire but I have no intimate time or emotions invested so all I can be is just a viewer. This is what we do over and over again we never understand a relationship that we are not in personally unless we’ve been in the situation before.
I learned this lesson for myself years ago, giving unsolicited advice to a friend about her relationship. Though what I said may have very well been factual, it was not my place to say all that I did, and it caused friction between us. That day I learned my lesson and I never gave advice on a relationship that was warranted, ever again.
You see my friend had been involved in a relationship that started off perfect. This guy was handsome, well spoken, nicely put together, and a complete gentleman. He completely swept her off her feet; he exposed her to a side of life she had never seen before. Exotic vacations, deep conversations of politics and religion, cuisine from different countries, and he even introduced her to a few European fashion labels.
She saw no wrong in him; to her he upgraded her and showed her a side of life she had never seen before. He was a businessman and so they frequently went to networking events. He loved to show her off and he would buy her beautiful gowns to wear and treat her to a day at the salon whenever these events popped up. Her beauty was always the topic of discussion; she would smile meekly and give all praises to her man, who would always reward her praises with a forehead kiss.
One night while at the beach looking out unto the ocean he said to her 152, she didn’t understand what he was talking about he told her that’s how many eyelashes you have per eye, I counted. She blushed he told her he wanted to know everything about her and leave nothing unexplored. No man had ever told her this before, he had captured her heart and that night on the beach they conceived a child.
The next day while at work, she received flowers thanking her for a lovely night and expressions of excitement for the event they were to go to later that evening. When she arrived to his house she saw a dress he had just purchased for her with a note that read please wear me tonight. She liked the dress but had something of her own she wanted to wear. They met at the event that night arriving separately and when she came in once again she was breathtaking. But he was not happy when she reached to kiss him he walked away. She was left confused and she quickly followed him. She reached to grab his hand and slow him down but when they locked fingers he squeezed her hand so tight as if he was in attempt to break it. It took everything in her to prevent her from screaming, they made their way to their destination a private one stall bathroom. He shoved her head into the wall repeatedly, kneed her in the stomach and spit in her face. He walked away and said never make me waste my money on you again, and when I get home you better be clean and in that dress I bought you. He kissed her forehead and walked away.
That night she did not return to his house, instead she came to mine. She was bloody and refused to go to the hospital. I was heated and told her I will go get your stuff I’m not scared of him, I got there with reinforcement and we cleared out her things. She was ok when I returned home, and said she refused to be anyone’s punching bag. Two weeks passed and she did not hear from him it tore her up because wasn’t he sorry? She missed him so much that she became delirious. I would hear her cry and scream at night and I would just go hug her and tell her you are worth so much more. She didn’t think so, and that led to our first argument she packed her things and left.
I called her and became worried when she didn’t call me back, I talked to her mom who told me she was well and she was him, her mom didn’t know about the fight. I let it go; all I could offer was prayer, because of course- I could not possibly understand why she wanted to stay. He gave her something no man had ever before; he gave her the lifestyle she constantly dreamed about- overnight. He expanded her world and she felt the cost was cheap, a bumps and bruises would eventually heal, but not her heart from the loss of him. He had some problems she would admit, but she would stand by his side, it was only right she would say. A month later her mom called and said she was in the hospital broken ribs, beat to a pulp. I arrived scared not knowing if she would make it. I didn’t say anything about him to her mom because I refused to make matters worse. She pulled through and begged me not to tell who did this to her. She lied and said someone tried to mug her, but all the leads she gave police landed nowhere of course, and once again he was gone. He never even showed up at the hospital he sent flowers and lied about being out of town. I had him followed I know he was home.
“She didn’t want help- only him, the memories of the good days outweighed her bad.”
When she fully recovered six months later I asked her what was next, she didn’t know she said her heart still longed for him even though he had not called or come by to see her. She lost her child in that fight and he never even knew about the pregnancy. She told me the last time I saw her, I hope he comes back to me, I know he’s just getting himself together but I will be ready when he returns. Our friendship was never the same I loved her and always will but I refused to be a viewer of her demise. She didn’t want help- only him, the memories of the good days outweighed her bad. I never judged her because she could have been me, or any of us. So ladies my only suggested to anyone going through this is never let the good outweigh the bad if it will cost you your life…