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And on the 5th day she engaged him. Engagement is where the real work begins in a relationship. I equate engagement to chess. The queen is the strongest piece on the board because of her ability to maneuver in so many ways she has many hats and should be able to operate successfully from all positions she’s put in. The King is the most powerful piece because once he’s captured its checkmate. This is how engagement should work, you should be able to move in a way that not only captures his attention but leaves him wanting more. A man must be lured in emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically to a woman. Let’s discuss how.


Emotions. It’s funny how we so often believe men lack emotions, that’s because we do not clearly understand what emotions are. Emotions encompass an array of feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, joy, etc. We just quickly equate a man not being vulnerable to him lacking emotions. This is what really happens; some men have layers to peel back because just like us, they have been taught to be independent. Society forces men to hold everything in; they have to hide their fears, feelings of inadequacy, and pain from us because if not then that makes them less of a man. So once men feel a certain level of comfort with us they begin to open up. The ball then comes back to us because whatever we do next will either break the engagement or increase it. When a man opens up and shares something intimate you have to decide whether or not you can handle it. If you can’t please don’t call him a punk or cut him off completely but compartmentalize who he is to you. Let him just be a friend and tell him that you prefer it instead of lacking in giving him what he needs. This is a another job of the queen in chest, she will put herself in a situation of disadvantage in order to gain a better position. Now if you provide him comfort in this moment and stand by his side he then knows he can let down his guard down with you and this moves you one spot closer to your king.

Spiritual connections are very real. I have seen women change their religion chasing behind a man please do not follow this path. If you will quickly change your belief system, morals, and values for a man then he already knows he can control you. I remember when I was in college I dated a Jehovah Witness, it was partly because I thought he looked good but at that time I figured it did not matter that I was Christian. As we talked more I realized it did, he begin to tell me about some of his guiding principles and what his woman must do and I was done. I had to let him know I will not leave Jesus for any man. You should be the same way stay firm in your beliefs and who knows if he is not a believer you may even influence him.

Intellectual stimulation is so important. It’s cool to talk about clothes or what happened on Scandal- well maybe not Scandal I talk to my husband about that- well let’s just say whatever popular TV show, with your friends and family. But the conversation with your man needs to be way more engaging. Talk about your dreams and aspirations so that you can both determine if what you want in life makes room for the other. If he wants to travel the world as a photographer, does that align with your dream of starting a coffee shop. If not, then this relationship is doomed. One of you will potentially spend the rest of your days resenting the other. Your intellect also lets him know that you have substance you are more than your beautiful frame let him know the inside is just as great if not more. I have had so many men tell me that after the initial connection with a woman they look for intellect, because the beauty can only keep them for so long.

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Physically. We have talked about this before, but be versatile. Show him you are beautiful in gowns, sweat suits, casual gear, and business attire. That lets him know he can take you anywhere and he will not have to worry about what you will look like. Remember when you are the Prized woman he wants to show you off, and if he feels that you cannot compliment him he will lose interest. Men love to show off what they have and worked hard to obtain, if he does not want you to attend events or even social gatherings with him your engagement has not been compromised.

Engagement is simple we as woman, love making moves if we can do it for ourselves, children, jobs, then we can most definitely do it for our man. Keeping him connected in every aspect of your life leaves him little time to stray, and if he’s good and engaged he will not want to stray. This should be fun for you as a woman it keeps the relationship exciting and the chase continued. Keep him on his toes and when you do that right he will want to stand still and allow his queen to become close enough to end the game. Checkmate.
I hope this series has helped you in some way or another. Til next time….

Homework:
Analyze all of your writings and thoughts from each day we have spent together and let me know if you want further information or assistance. All inquiries are confidential. Figure out if you are even at the point where you need to be in a relationship with someone other than you. You are at a crossroad so make your next decision your best decision.

– Elle Harris