tango-ii

I entered the ballroom filled with potential investors, grantors, clients, and business partners. Each person I dreamed of meeting, stood within just steps from me. Me, sweaty palmed, heart pulsating, awkward hug giving me, if I could hug one person without stepping on a Tom Ford or Giuseppe I will be ok. Then the tango music started I saw a man in all black he had the coldest pair of eyes that held the power to arrest all positive thoughts that existed before. My first thought was to find the quickest seat which seemed to be a football field away from where I stood. So I quickly grabbed the train of my dress and headed for the ladies room. He grabbed my arm, and though my back was turned I knew it was him from the chill that ran through my body. It was the feeling you get when the boogie man finally shows his face. I pulled away but he only clutched me tighter. In efforts to not draw attention to myself I gave into him. I looked around to see if anyone else was paying attention but for some reason, it was as if I was the only one who saw him.

He whispered softly in my ear, these people don’t care about you. Your dreams are worthless, they have no validity what can you honestly tell these people you have done to make a difference. Then he placed his hand on the small of my back. Anyone can look the part but you don’t possess the voice to seal the deal. He rubbed the back of his hand across my cheek. But most importantly, he said, you don’t have the guts to confidently talk to anyone in this room because you are a joke then he dipped me low and let go. I felt everything in that moment embarrassment, anxiety, cold, gut wrenching pains, and I felt exposed. I was falling and it felt like forever, all I could think about is once I hit the bottom everyone will see, how will I talk to them then, my heartbeat was so intense that you could see the imprint on my chest. My heel of my foot was the first part of me to touch the floor then I felt something, a strong force pushing me back up. I was not sure of where it came from but it was all I needed.

It propelled me to a new height, I felt higher then I had been before. Fear vanished as it was only my own false anticipation of negative results. I gained a confidence, a better stride, and most important I was ready to seal the deal. I heard clapping as the tango was over I blinked my eyes and realized I did make it across the room to my seat. I excused myself from the table, because it was time to make my dreams come true.

– Elle Harris